How to 'Get Over Yourself!' for your Horses Sake!

NOTE: This is a transcript from our Vlog, see video above 👆🏼, so please forgive typos etc. Enjoy!

Hello? Journeyers hello today? We're talking about getting over ourselves for horses sake. Yes. Yes. For goodness sake, for goodness sake, let's get over ourselves.

Yourself. Yes. How to get out of our heads and into the moment. so that we can be the human that our horse needs. Hmm. That sounds lovely. All right. So how do we go about this? well, I'm thinking about something. I heard the other Dan Glen and Doyle's podcast. Love it. She was interviewing TIG Notaro. Okay. And I think TIG Notaro was, quoting Maryanne Williamson, but I'm not totally sure. But she basically said, this is like the inception of quotes. Right. just want everybody to get to the credit that they deserve, but yeah, that's important. She said nothing matters.

And nothing matters. Wait, nothing matters. No. And I mean, yes, nothing matters and nothing matters. Wow. Okay. I feel like this needs a little explanation. Are we connecting this to horses today? Yes we are. Yes. So the idea is that do the thing that's scary. Live big. Okay. Don't live small. Do the thing that you're worried about doing, just go for it all in, do, just do the thing.

Because it doesn't matter. nothing matters. God, I love that it takes so much pressure off. Right. And, and I didn't even get to the and part. Okay. If you fail or if you succeed, it doesn't matter. Wow. Because nothing matters. So , so the idea is to not be attached to the outcome. Okay. Of whatever you do, do the thing all the way, because why not do the thing all the way.

Right, right. So it's really like a call to action to live fearlessly. Yes. I like that. Exactly courage. Courage. Yeah. Yeah. Courage and real courage. Yeah. True courage. And of course, true courage is, the offshoot of vulnerability, like being willing to show up in all your glory. Right. Right. I love that.

 I was thinking about a story that I have from my past way back in the archives. Okay. I, early on in my career, I was given the opportunity to show a horse that was a great horse. He was amazing. I actually almost forgot about this horse until this story popped into my mind. And.

remembered what a special guy. He was. He was a very talented, raining horse, had been a finalist at the R H a fraternity. Wow. As a, as a three year old. And I think, I can't remember how old he was by the time I got my hands on him, but got the opportunity to show him at a regional event.

For his owners who were promoting him as a stallion, as a breeding horse mm-hmm . It was a big deal. These were people who were new to the industry and really trying to make their mark. So they were putting a lot of pressure on me and I was putting a lot of pressure on myself at the time. fully prescribed to perfectionism as the way mm.

I thought that was just how you lived. Right. Right, right. and in fact, it's what drew me to reigning as a sport and as a career in, right in the beginning, because perfectionisms basically baked into the, the code of raining. Exactly. I mean the, the rule book states and I'm paraphrasing and I'm not gonna get this perfect.

Cause it's been a while since I've looked at the rule book, but basically it, it says a raining horse should willfully guide and any movement that the horse does, on their own of their own volition of their own will is to be deem. Not willful, not at the will of the rider and therefore undesirable.

Wow. That is interesting, right? Yeah. Cuz good raining horses , I mean, they're amazing. We watch them on YouTube. We admire them. We think they're incredible. I still love raining. I love it. Absolutely. I think it's a, a beautiful discipline, but, but , and, and two things can be true.

Two things can be true at once. This is one of our manifestos. Yes. That there are some problems baked into that. And, and one of them is. Perfectionism is a fool's errand, I think, and can create all sorts of problems when you're working with horses. And so back to the story. My horse, the horse, the spectacular horse that I got the chance to ride 

 Had always been a dream to ride super easy. Would do all the things without much effort on my part. And I get in the show pen and sure enough, he's charging. He's too strong. He's Bray. He's going too fast. Wow. I take him into hands and start to do the obligatory schooling scenario where I just basically blow the class.

Don't admit to myself or to anybody watching that. I have made a mistake. I take the horse in two hands and start schooling him off pattern because that's what you do and rather than not look perfect. Oh, interesting. You take a, you take a zero and, and school.

 Like basically two hands means normally you're riding one handed. Yes. It means you're. You're thrown in the towel. You just need to school your horse. Okay. It's a little bit of a cop out and I am very guilty of using it more than I should have.

Rather than just writing through the fact that things weren't going perfect. I, I had a, a guy help me one time early in my career who said, it's not, if something goes wrong in the show pan it's when, so you have to learn how to mitigate those circumstances. I wish I. had him in my ear that day, but I hadn't met him yet.

So I blow the class. You know, basically instead of tuning into the moment. Sort of embracing the joy of the moment, the opportunity that I was given at a young age to get to show at this level on a horse that was clearly, you know, had way more experience and, and ability than I did at that time. Instead of like, just kind of feel that and, and use that to fuel the moment I got scared mm-hmm and rather than.

Acknowledge my fear. I I hit it by schooling. Yeah. And taking a big fat goose egg for my, for my trouble. Wow. , so I got home, I was fully bummed out, completely felt like a failure. Hmm, couple days later, my farrier was out and I was telling him about what happened. And he said, you know, you're just afraid. It sounds to me like, it's all about fear for you. And I was like, what? No, what are you talking about?

And he said, yeah, it's fear. It's, it's one of two things. It's fear of failure or fear of success. Oh yes. And that and so ouch. I thought about it and I was like, man, he might be. Now, when I think about that situation, I think about he, he had it almost right. And it, and it wasn't the problem. Wasn't the fear.

The problem was that I didn't acknowledge the fear. Mm-hmm I didn't, I didn't name it. Okay. I, I was sort of ashamed that I was afraid. Right. And that's what created the hole in which I. wow. , that's powerful. Cuz we talk a lot about the equine industry and different horse cultures and it could be as simple as just the culture at somebody's barn and something that we talk a lot about is how a lot of people are fearful because they don't really know horses and you were fearful for different reasons.

Mm-hmm mm-hmm at that time you actually did know horses and know what you were doing, cuz you'd been. Probably put in your 10,000 hours, even at that point in your oh sure. Early to mid twenties. Mm-hmm the majority 99.9% of horse people haven't put in that kind of time and it can be scary when things don't go.

Right. And there's a lot of status and there's a lot of ego around horses and you don't want to show fear. And when you hide fear strange things start to happen. Yeah. yeah. I mean, I basically, for me, I checked out and left my horse hanging I was thinking about it from his perspective. And I, the word that came to mind was rude.

rude. You know, you haul him to the show, you right? Make him come to this scary place I ride in, in raining. You ride out to a big, huge arena all by yourself. Hmm. Everybody's looking at you. All these eyes staring at, you got judges with no pads. There was three judges. It was it. People in the stands you're, you're in a starchy shirt and stiff hats.

You're a little uncomfortable and then I say, okay, horse, see ya just checked out. And wow. So of course he got chargey of course he got Bray. Of course he wasn't the horse that I. am used to, was used to writing at home. 

Yeah. So he like horses feel the emotion and react to it in the moment mm-hmm I was hiding the emotion. I was suppressing it. Right. Pretending that, that wasn't how I was feeling. Okay. I hid it under, you know, the facade of being cool. Sure. And acting like I was fully in control and taking him into two hands and, you know, schooling him through the pattern, making, get round and bend and do all the, the things that made it sort of look like I was in control.

And that it was just sort of my horse's fault, but boy it sure wasn't sure, sure. All and, and they can sense an incongruency, just like a mountain lion. That's exactly it like all of a sudden I'm, I'm, I'm a stranger. You know, I'm not writing him the way I wrote him. Right. He's like, who is this person?

Yeah. Mm-hmm , mm-hmm yeah. Who's this scared Bray anxiety thing on my back. Right. So, or he may have even trusted you enough to know that if you're feeling that way, something's wrong in the environment, like we need to get outta here. Right. He's like, right. Things are not right. I can't just relax. And. Be in the bit and be collected and totally.

Yeah, yeah, totally. Okay. Like, yeah. And a beautiful raining pattern. Just like anything done with a horse. It's, it's only beautiful when it's done without tension mm-hmm and it's done in a relaxed fashion and, and it looks like the horse is kind of having fun. and part of the process. Right? So mm-hmm so that was what happened and tough story.

It's a tough one. I got lots of 'em because one thing we know about working with horses, it's a humbling experience. It's it's a good way to kill your ego. unfortunately, my ego was hard to kill, so I have a lot of stories. 

 I often tell my students learn from my mistakes. But so how do we push through that? Those moments is kind of the premise of, this talk. And so if you could go back and coach yourself, knowing what you know now at that time, what would you do? What would I do? Well, I don't even think I'd heard the word mindfulness at that age.

I had no idea about being a team. I didn't even think there were yoga studios. No, in our early twenties. Right. I mean, this was like, I think. 22. Okay. Wow. Yeah. I was very young. It wasn't that long ago, but no right, so, but mindfulness is how you combat this situation. Right. Okay. It's all about getting in the moment being present.

Cultivating your ability to focus on what's happening right now. That practice helps you manage difficult emotions. Hmm. when we can manage those difficult emotions, we're able to sort of take a step back, observe what's happening and even accept what's happening. Hmm, without judging it, that's the key without creating all these stories around it, or these sort of negative belief systems around how we're feeling in that moment.

We create stories around how we're feeling juxtaposed to what a horse does. A horse just feels the thing until they don't feel the thing and then they move on. Mm.

Mindfulness, which is just the ability to observe and notice without attaching good or bad. Hmm. To it. Okay. Easier said than done for sure. Exactly. Especially if you're talking to a, a 22 year old perfectionist, perfectionist Rainer out on her own, trying to make a name for herself on her own for the first time.

Yeah. Yep. I wonder how you would get through to that person. Y yeah, I mean, looking back, I remember I didn't have many friends that day. I didn't have anybody really. They're sure. Looking after me that day and, and that's where supportive community you know, is really important. I think somebody could have seen what was happening and not be, not being so attached to the outcome for their own personal gain.

I E owners. You know, mm-hmm, , owners of horses , a lot of owners just are like why I paid you to ride this horse. I've paid you to win on this horse. Let's get it done. And sure. And so, yeah, that's part of it, but

I think just the confidence that comes with experience. Hmm. Like I just didn't have the experience as a, so in some ways you may have needed to go through that because another statement from our manifesto, mistakes and failures, so the most data rich experiences in life. Exactly. Exactly. 

I just saw somebody. Post on Twitter and a meme or something. And it was. Oh, just realize that learning a new thing means I have to suck at it for a while, so just know you're gonna suck for a while. Let's just keep doing you'll suck a little less and then eventually you'll suck so little that you're actually pretty good.

Exactly. Mm-hmm but even then, occasionally you're just still gonna suck. It's gonna suck sometimes. exactly totally. And that's Michael Jordan missed over half of his shots. He shot just under 50% and he's the greatest of all. And it didn't, he didn't go. I'm not gonna shoot as much. Mm-hmm no, he did not. He went, I, I need to shoot more exactly, because that's how I'll make more shots.

 It's it's good stuff. So I wonder if for like our listeners, if we had any, just really practical advice, things that if I was listening, that I could go out and practice tomorrow. 

 We have some techniques that we teach in our journey experience program. Okay. My horse journey. we have a technique for mindfulness called silent and half speed grooming. Mm mm-hmm that really changes people's perspective. Mm-hmm , mm-hmm simple but powerful. Exactly. It's just exactly what, like I could give no explanation of silent and half speed grooming and you could just go do your grooming.

Repertoire or routine mm-hmm in silence and at half speed mm-hmm and you would, you would notice stuff. Yes. You will notice stuff. Yeah, we . We had a client do it and we got a text from him that said. It just said interesting things happening at silent and happy it? Did. I loved it. Yeah. He, he had a moment on that exercise.

It was a big deal. It was a, it was at a epiphany bridge. Yeah. It's like, yeah. . I was just gonna say that's an antidote exercise. Everything in society is based on how can I get it done? The fastest, most efficient. way possible. Mm-hmm and we're basically saying do the exact opposite, right?

Right. It's a, it's a SAV. It's a licker it's. Mm it's. Some kind of, some kind of something in that way. Mm-hmm And so of course that's something you can try with your horse. Okay. SOS and half speed. Mm-hmm okay. That's pretty. Self-explanatory mm-hmm we recommend like setting aside one day a week, where you do something with your horse.

That way, if you can have your whole. barn day that day be silent. Have speed. That's great. Mm-hmm but if that's not doable, just have your grooming routine be silent, have speed or your mounting routine or you're tacking up, whatever it is. Just be intentional and slow down and stop talking.

Mm-hmm and that's that will help. Josh teaches meditation in our horse journey meditation. What everybody will tell you is the secret to mindfulness. And along with that breath work mindful breathing is a way to that. Yeah. The beauty of meditation is you don't have to go anywhere. You don't have to buy anything.

You just, it all happens within yourself. And the easiest hack to that is through breath work. So we teach some techniques about that. So we'll probably do a whole separate podcast just on meditation. Mm-hmm and we do teach some of those exercises and our challenge.

Yeah, exactly. That are, that are specific to the equestrian but another sort of hack or hot take for mindfulness and for fighting the, in your head demons, getting over yourself is gratitude. Mm mm-hmm right. So, that can be done through journaling, right. . And of course, meditation is a practice that will help you understand and feel gratitude, right? Yeah. And we have exercises where we actually have a gratitude meditation, where we really drill down on the. The gratitude part. One thing that, really hurts people around horses is fear and anxiety and that you just cannot feel fear and gratitude at the same time.

Mm-hmm so mm-hmm but gratitude is practice and you can actually practice it and don't sleep on the journaling. It's so darn simple and it just works. Mm-hmm think of things you're grateful for and literally write them down. It will change your mindset. It really does, which instantly in a way that will change your life.

Yeah. Which will change your life with your horse too. And they feel it. They really, really do. I mean, it's like, if you could do one thing, do that to start. Yeah. If you forget everything else, just do that. Remember nothing matters. Mindfulness and nothing for gratitude. Yeah, exactly. Right. So, the, the last sort of quick hack into getting outta your head, getting over your. For your horse's sake is self-compassion being kind to yourself will actually help you be a better horse person.

Mm-hmm that means reframing negative self talk. That means mindfulness meditation again, back to the meditation.

That means selfcare mm-hmm yeah, something I've been doing is treating my horse practice, my horse time, my session. Training my horses as self care instead of being like, oh my God, I gotta get these horses trained or they're just gonna. Waste away and, nobody's gonna be able to deal with 'em.

 I use my horse training practice as my own self care practice. So it's something that I do because I love it. So I make sure that's the intention that is behind the time that I spend with the horses, even when I'm training them, even when I'm trying to get them farther along in their process, it's still.

Something that I am trying to cultivate my own. my own joy, my own self-preservation, it's something I do because I love, love it. And for no other reason, mm-hmm than that. Just because it, oh, it's a powerful reframe. Yeah. Mm-hmm remember. I think our second journey cohort, one of our students didn't think they had time to do it and they almost didn't do it.

Mm-hmm and they did. Right. And at the end they said that time. Talking on coaching calls, going to lessons, working with her horse was the only little bit of self care she really had that week. So, and that was a beautiful thing for her to realize and a nice reframe. Yes, exactly. 

So, to circle back and. Conclusion. Yeah, let's put a, let's put a ribbon on this. Yeah, let's do that. Get outta your head, get over yourself. Your horse really needs you to. If you're not gonna do it for yourself do it for your horse. , I have been trying to let go of being a perfectionist for a long time.

Part of that is being a parent part of that is self preservation and self care. mm-hmm, just learning that being a parent, running businesses, being a partner. Having lots of animals living a wholehearted life, I gotta let something go and being perfect is one of those things. Mm-hmm

 The horses have helped me with that. The horses helped me live into that. So letting go of perfectionism. Creating a meditation practice. Mm-hmm learning some breath work. Getting intentional about your breathing, being aware of your breathing, having some kind of practice around that.

Mm-hmm Gratitude journaling. Let's just put that on the list. Yeah. Do that and reframing your negative self talk. Mm-hmm and try some silent and half speed grooming while you're at it. And remember if you can only change something for your horse's sake. That's great. Just do it like that. Yeah. Yeah.

What he said okay. Till next time, may the horse be with you? Bye bye.